Hello I'm Bo Red and this is Headline News. Todays Top Story: Squirrels Teaming Up, Causing Accidents. It seems that squirrels have had enough of people driving any vehicle or going anywhere near them, because it seems that people are having accidents caused by the squirrels when the squirrels run out in front of them on purpose. This has become a widespread pandemic that started in Texas somewhere by the Alamo and is already spreading all the way to Michigan. One local texan vows that he will go on a manhunt to capture the squirrel that jumped out in front of his super jet and made him crash into a tree. We'll keep you updated on any further outbreaks of this squirrel revolution.

      The Ed Sunday Show is becoming one of the hottest shows in the world. It broadcasts in 56 countries all over the world and everyone is raving about it. It has only been on for four episodes, but each show has been rated higher than the last one before it. The show has been criticized by some, but most people just don't give a fuck(Yes, I can say fuck because I'm uncensored)! The same thing goes for reality tv. The shows host, Ed Sunday, is up for best daytime tv talk show host.

      Police haven't been looking for the Burkhart kidnapper. They say they are actually glad someone put an end to his reign of terror. The reign of terror they are talking about: They said they are glad Burkhart is gone because now they can actually sit down and eat some donuts without them being gone by the time they get to the donut shop. So whoever took Burkhart, the police give you their thanks and by all means please don't return him.

In closing: Mickey Mouse died a few days ago. He fell out of a hot air balloon. He was born in 1928. He was really old. The funeral is.... I don't care. Who wrote this crap. Let's just say he is dead. Moving on, A recent study has shown that people who are excessively happy usually end up getting murdered by those who hate excessively happy people. Poor basterds. Last but not least, I hate broccoli. I hate it. This is Bo Red signing off. Thanks for watching. Stay tuned for more.